Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.

Monday, 31 May 2010

Post pregnancy body!

Having recently been for a proper bra fitting, my first in many years and extremely necessary in my post pregnancy, post breastfeeding state. I discovered that I have gone from a 34C to 32D and that support and uplift is so much more important now than it ever was before.

Not that I was ever that enamored with my breast before I had Emily but they have since, for me, lost any luster that they may have had before. As the kindly, sensitive, lady in Debenhams commented "Yes they have lost some of their elasticity haven't they". Cheers, thanks!!! 

I know I am one of the lucky few that has come through pregnancy relatively unscathed, I have barely any stretch marks - three to be exact  - just above my left hip and hardly noticeable now they have faded. 

I was also fortunate enough to loose all my baby weight within about 5 months of Emily's birth. In fact I went a little too far the other way after she was born, losing so much weight that friends and family started to express concerns about my eating habits. To which I replied, 'I eat most days, in fact just this evening I managed half a plate between cries'. I think it is easy to forget how time consuming babies are and how they have impeccable timing when it comes to their demands, i.e. they will wait until you have just sat down to eat your tea before they decide that actually they need feeding or changing or rocking etc... Then congealed pasta doesn't have the same appetising appeal as it did when it was hot.

The doctor was very kind when she weighed me and just explained that I would be well advised not to lose any more weight. It's not like I was trying or anything! However I have since put at least half a stone back on and am back to my old self...well mostly. 

So it wasn't the weight that was a problem for me so much as that last little wobbly bit, the bit that stretched the most! And although it has now gone my belly button will never look quite the same again! But I can live with that. And as for the breasts, well that's what Gossard Ultra bra's are for!!     

Tuesday, 11 May 2010

Whose the dummy now then?

Dummies! The bane of my very existence! 

I am currently on night two of operation 'pacifier prohibition'. Having threatened on many occasions to take away my daughters dummy and not having had the backbone to follow through, I finally decided last night that it was time that the dummy became a distance memory. 

Emily is not massively dependent on her dummy, she has it for naps and for bedtime but that is about it. However she is currently suffering from a cold which means that breathing through her mouth is the only option, so this become problematic when the mouth is full of dummy. After repeated trips upstairs last night, at 10 minute intervals, I finally removed her dummy from the cot and proceeded to attempt to get her off to sleep without it. 'What are you crazy?' I hear you cry. Well yes quite possibly, driven insane by repeatedly climbing the stairs to place said dummy in my daughters mouth! 

My initial attempt was successful and she slept peacefully for about an hour but then the baby monitor lit up and this was to be the beginning of one of the most horrific nights we have had since she was born. Heartbreaking sobs, racked with grief at her lost source of comfort. Hours of struggling and wriggling around next to me, Gavin having abandoned our bed hours before in a vain attempt to get some sleep. God I wish I had to go to work! I finally managed to get her off to sleep at 2.30am for her to wake up 4 hours later! 

Tonight she went down with little fuss, having drunk her milk I cuddled her for a little while and she fell asleep and so far that is how she has remained. So...All I can say is watch this space to see if operation 'PP' is successful. And trust me when I say I am praying to all my gods that it is because I need some sleep!


Thursday, 6 May 2010

Today I had a thought, what if...

...what if I had never met you?

When I was 6 ½ weeks pregnant with Emily I started to bleed. I remember having this awful sense of foreboding as I made my way to work that morning. This word kept echoing around my mind, 'miscarriage'.

An hour or two later I sat at my desk and I felt this rush of blood leave my body, and all I could think was 'please no, not me, not my baby'. It's a funny thing, I had only known about the pregnancy for about a week and a half but it had already become a part of my being. Everything had changed and the thought that it could be taken away from me was more than I could bear! 

I was taken to hospital in an ambulance and asked to wait in a private room while they decided what to do with me. They asked me to give them a urine sample to check that I was definietly pregnant and I remember the sample was red with my blood. The nurse gave me a sympathic smile as she took the sample from me and I wanted to scream! I sat on a cold bed with my hospital gown barely covering my modesty and I felt so small and lost. 

Finally they took me to the early pregnancy unit for a scan. And there on the screen was my baby, this tiny being with a little heart beating away. So small. I looked at the screen and made a silent plea, please little baby, please little one, hold on don't give up on me. 

And she did! 

But today I had some really sad news concerning a very dear friend of mine and it got me to thinking 'what if...what if I had never met you Emily?' And at this point words fail me.