Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.

Thursday, 22 April 2010

And the award goes to...

My daughter turned one today and it occurred to me that's a whole year that I have survived as a parent or more importantly she has just simply survived! Babies don't come with a manual...unfortunately. Although where would you even start with one of those, babies are slightly more complicated than a Ford fiesta or a DVD player. And they would definitely give flat pack furniture a run for it's money when it comes to confusing and complex instructions!

And what would happen when your baby started to malfunction, "But darling it says in the manual feed every three hours from newborn, she can't possibly be hungry again it's only been an hour and a half"? "Well we could try returning her sweetheart but I think I've lost the receipt". Erm...I think not! That's the lovely thing about babies of relatives, friends, work colleagues etc...You can hand them back when they get sleepy, grumpy, hungry, sick and you are never expected to change a dirty nappy, well okay maybe a wet one but never a poo-ie one. I wonder how many dirty nappies I have changed in the last year? Gavin seems to have developed an allergy to them, shame I didn't think of that first. Damn!

So never mind all these election promises the politicians are making about the economy, the war, the state of schools or hospitals or crime...blah, blah, blah. If you want people to vote for you then offer proper incentives, like medals and awards for surviving as a parent in this 21st century world where we have health and safety coming out of our ears until they bleed, where every single unmarried man is a potential pedophile (PLEASE!!! Talk about mass hysteria) and a social services system that will allow children to die in horrifically awful circumstances, beaten and starving but will take your child off you for being overweight! (And I know my mother would berate me for the last statement but I don't care!). I think at the very least a day at a free spa wouldn't go a miss, because after 52 weeks of dirty washing that would put a laundrette to shame, 365 nights of disrupted sleep and 8, 760 hours of cleaning, washing, feeding, sterilising, changing, rocking, singing and crying (me and Emily) I could really do with a facial, sauna and a back massage!       

Wednesday, 21 April 2010

Many happy returns...

This time last year I was on my way to Macclesfield Hospital. 

Emily was meant to be born at North Staffs, however the night I went into hospital they had closed the maternity ward, all beds were full. No room at the inn! So we traveled across the boarder to take refuse at the only place that could have me. 

You assume that once you get to the hospital things will start to move quicker, this is just a fallacy that first time mums harbour in the vain, disillusioned hope that their experience will be different from all the women that have come before them. The majority of first time labours will be long and arduous. Mine was 25 hours from start to finish and I know most Health Care Professional will tell you that there are only so many hours of 'active labour' and before that you are not technically 'in labour' but I don't care, it's all the same to me and it still hurts like hell!

Once I got to the hospital I was told that I was only 3/4cm dilated which meant I still had a long way to go. I was bouncing my arse off on the pilates ball in a vain attempt to speed up the process. Imagine the scene, balanced on a pilates ball, nine months pregnant, bouncing up and down whilst contracting every 4 minutes, not one of my better moments. 

The drugs are good though. I had one shot of diamorphine which sent me into a really spaced out state, where I could still feel the pain but I just didn't care enough to be bothered anymore. Funny! The Gas and Air will probably make you sick, it did me (I can't look at banana's and lucozade with the same affection anymore) but when it's a toss up between a little sickness and excruciating pain then it's a simple choice really! 

She finally came into the world at 6.50am on the 22nd April 2009, after a few tears and a whole lot of pushing. And a year on...I still do a double take when someone refers to me as Emily's mum. Me a mum? Who would have thought it?!

Tuesday, 6 April 2010

To buy or not to buy...

I spent two hours the other night trying to decide on a new pushchair/buggy for Emily, two hours!!! Because the process is not as simple or straight forward as you would think. 

Her first pram was chosen by my mother and her bestfriend as at 8 months pregnant I was in no mood or my right mind to make a decision like that (I was suffering from a serious case of baby-brain), I could barely decide what to put on my toast of a morning let alone make a decision as important as the mode of transport for my unborn child. 

So this time around I wanted to make sure that it was my decision and that it was the right one. WELL...firstly you need to consider what brand you want to go with, there is Maclaren, Silvercross, Chico, Britax, Quinny and the list goes on and on. Then you need to decide a price range, colour, accessories...does it have any or are you going to have to buy them all at a later date and if so how much will that add to the cost, then there is the size to consider...will it fit into the boot of your car, how easy is it to collapse, does it have a big enough shopping basket, what are the wheels like...will they go the distance or have fallen off by the time you make it to the high street, can you alter the position of the seat so that your little one doesn't have to sleep sat bolt upright, does it have a hood? Endless questions and everytime you think you might be getting closer to choosing the right buggy for you, you notice a dodgy review and then another one and another one and you have to start the whole process off all over again. 

So you can now start to understand why it took me so long to decide. But I am happy with my final choice, Yes I am sure that I am...right?! Now let me just check the small print, it was definitely 28 days to decide with a full money back guarantee right?!