Life can feel like an uphill struggle at times, sometimes it seems no matter how much effort you put in, you are still doomed to fail. I always feel like I am having to weigh up my options and try to decipher what tasks are more necessary (or important) than others. Very much like you do at work, you have a list of tasks and if you are anything like me, you have to sort through them and decide which ones are the most important and work downwards from there. Although invariably (as we all know) lists can take on a life of their own at times. The theory behind lists is that you make them to prioritise your tasks, or as a form of remembering things. You tick things off as you go along and so the list becomes smaller and you start to feel like you are achieving something. My lists are NEVER like that! They inevitably become longer, or more complicated with tasks continually added to them. Even my shopping lists seem to miss the mark as there are always at least five items that go into the trolley, that never made it to the list. And these are not luxury items or impulse buys, they are just things I have forgotten that we needed.
So I juggle all my priorities, like constant metaphorical balls in the air and I keep hoping that I might be able to chuck a ball or two away at times. Sometimes I do but they are always replaced by more balls, new balls and I guess some would just call that 'life'. And I walk around with paper lists and mental lists endlessly trying to tick the tasks off as I go along. Ring the nurse, email the University, buy new shoes for Emily, seal the bath because everytime someone takes a shower there is the danger of flooding in the kitchen, email photo's to my aunty, organise maternity clothes for best-friend, take packages to postoffice, call my sister in Hong Kong with my free 30 minutes international call (courtesy of the nice people at Orange), finish my A&P assignment, start my presentation for study skills, finishing reading Wuthering Heights for English, send back the Lovefilm DVD's, do some more exercise, clean the bathroom, wash Emily's clothes, wash my clothes, clean the kitchen floor, tidy and sweep the yard, spend quality time with Emily, spend quality time with Gavin, spend quality time with myself. Try not to want to burst into tears each night when I go to bed and realise that I have to start the whole process all over again the next day (ha ha). And in all that try to find the time to process all the millions of thoughts that are constantly spinning around in my head, things that can at times be of very great importance in holding together the fabric of my life, so that all those balls don't come crashing down around me.
Ohhhhh okay and breathe! In truth my life is like so many others around me and I know that to be true. However sometimes it just feels good to share and maybe it will make the people around me feel a little better when they realise, that just like me, they are not alone!