Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.

Thursday, 4 March 2010

You complete me...

I have always been taught to respect others beliefs, even if they do not align with my own. So long as you are not breaking the law or abusing others, then live and let live. So if a person or couple chooses not to have children that is their choice. My choice was always different though.

I always felt like something was missing in my life, that I hadn't found my purpose. But when I look at my daughter I can see that this is what I was meant to do. Be a mother. It's not perfect, like a film or a novel where you have a happy ending and everyone lives happily ever after. It's real and it's hard and I make mistakes, sometimes I cry and I'm so tired that I can barely remember my own name but it's what I'm happiest doing. It makes me feel complete and maybe that makes me a very simple person but maybe that's always been my problem. I have a tenancy to over think and over complicate, it runs in the family. Maybe simple in best for me.

Motherhood has made me realise that I can love in a way I never thought possible before. So unconditionally and so completely. When you have a child, you love them more than you love yourself, more than you have ever loved anyone, sometimes you love them more than life itself. And this love is scary and unknown and you feel that it will overwhelm you but you can't fight it. When you child smiles or laughs you feel like you heart will overrun with love and when they cry it's like your heart is breaking.

So now everyday I put someone else first, and I think about their needs before mine and it's liberating. And now I finally understand what life is all about, for me at least.

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