Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.

Tuesday, 3 September 2013

First day at School...

Today was Emily's first day at school! My little baby is a baby no more...

I think as the world has evolved and full-time childcare has become more the norm for children under the age of 4, the significance of the first day of school has maybe been lost a little.

I vaguely remember my first day, my mum took me to the gates and waved goodbye. I remember feeling excited but also extremely apprehensive. With the exception of spending about 10 hours a week with Manny (my child-minder) I had always been with either my mother or my father until that point. Emily however has spent the last 2 years in childcare of one variety or another. Last year whilst I was studying she was there full-time, Monday to Friday. So I guess the transition into school is a slightly smoother one for her. However no less important! 

I am starting a new job in less than 2 weeks and as excited as I am about the prospect of going back to work again (which I honestly am...promise), I keep getting these waves of sadness that things will never be quite the same again. Life moves forward and as my boyfriend said there is nothing you can do to change that. We are all getting older. I just wish I had realised the significance of the time I had with Emily when I had it. Sometimes I think my sadness is connected to guilt, guilt that maybe I wasn't the best mother I hoped I would be. Haaa isn't that the parent's curse though, always feeling like you could have done better?! However each day when I wake up I try a little harder than the day before to be the best mum that I can be because in the end I guess that is all any of us can do. So school has started and with it the beginning of a new era.
Camping in Scotland  

Ready for School 
Big grown up girl 


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